SOS ! MARRIAGE IN TROUBLE

Every marriage needs help now and then, both during the good times and when things become difficult. Here are issues that impact marriages and skills to help you deal with those issues and problems in healthy ways. Remember that most problems have solutions. Don't ignore the problems and issues in your marriage. If your marriage is in trouble, get started and make the necessary changes together that will help your marriage be a successful, long lasting union.

Think back to when the two of you were dating one another. Did you have times when you had nothing to say to one another? Probably not !

When a couple reaches the point of not having anything to say to one another, their marriage is in serious trouble. Here are some tips on why conversation in a marriage is so essential, and topics to talk about.

Andre Maurois, French novelist and essayist, wrote, "A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short."

 One of the main reasons couples divorce is because they lost the ability or never had the skills to communicate with one another. Poor listening skills lead to the breakdown in communication in a marriage. Here are some tips on how to be a more effective and life-giving listener.

Don't Interrupt

Let your spouse finish what they are saying. If this is a problem and you interrupt a lot, find someway to remind yourself to keep quiet. Some people put their chin in their hand as a sign to themselves to not speak till their mate is finished talking.

Keep an Open Mind

Don't judge. Jumping to conclusions or looking for the right or wrong in what is being said prevents you from listening. Think before you say anything in response, especially if it is an emotional reaction.

Make Listening a Priority

Listen without planning on what you are going to say in response. Let go of your own agenda. Be aware that you need to listen. Make eye contact. Pay attention by not looking at the TV or glancing at the newspaper or finishing up a chore.

Use Feedback Technique

Let your partner know that you heard what they said by using a feedback technique and restating what was said. Say something like "I hear you saying ...." Be open to the possibility that you didn't hear clearly what your spouse was sayingdaleneville.yolasite.com daleneville.yolasite.com daleneville.yolasite.com

 Picture resource: drwendywalsh.com

WE ARE WHAT WE DO, REALLY? I THINK NOT !!

I have been struggling with the statement, “We are what we do”. My researched concludes that people are what they think. Our thought processes are more powerful than what we realize and give credit for.
 
Have you heard the words, “STICKS AND STONE MAY BRAKE MY BONES, BUT WORDS WILL NEVER HURT ME”? I am sure you have and many of us have experienced words of destruction from a parent, teacher, family member, community, etc. that have pieced our hearts. These words don’t just leave you, but they are stored in your thought processes.


Today people live up to what was said to them years ago and have not broken that energy over their lives. Subconsciously, we live out what we think. The words echo into our thought patterns, that form habits and eventually character. “You will not amount to much”, “You are like your dad”, “You are stupid”, etc let’s break the power of these words.


You are what God says you are and I heard Him say that you are wonderfully and fearfully made. He whispered into my ear to say that I am His pressured possession. Every day we need to speak to ourselves and tell ourselves we are important. Look into the mirror and see the greatness in you.


You are what you think. WHO ARE YOU?

Picture resource: rulingcatsanddogs.com

DO NOT LET PERCEPTIONS CLOUD YOUR MIND

Many people have perceptions of things that they have heard about or maybe experienced long ago and that have become the alpha and omega to them. Today I would like to challenge such thoughts.

Public transport and in particular trains is a much talked about topic in our city and country. Metrorail, as a service provider that carries 56% of Cape Town’s public transport providers, has many challenges, but I would like to highlight some of its trophies.

The Southern Line Tourism Route is a collaborative project between the City of Cape Town, Cape Town Tourism and Metrorail. The idea was to introduce a cost effective manner for domestic and international tourists to explore via rail what the City had to offer.

Seven stations were identified with attractions at each destination less than 1, 2 km within reach.  For as little as R30 for a one day pass and R50 for a two day pass, travelers can “Hop off and Hop on” between off peak hours and explore what the city has to offer. 

Cape Town, the only city in South Africa that boosts a railway line along a rugged coastline. You can no longer say that it is too expensive to travel to Boulders. Take a train with a group of friends, request for a chaperone coach and travel to Simon’s Town. From there take a taxi and get there in no time. This entire excursion per person will cost less than R70.

Statistics show that we had many international travelers during the year that explored this route. The City of Cape Town has statistics that show that more incidents occur on the road than on rail.

The world cup has shown that rail is still a pillar of  transport in the city , so those with obscured perceptions, lets move from under this cloud and experience the Southern Line Tourism Route.  

Picture resource: Eugene Armer - Travelling along the Southern Line

WE ARE AFRAID OF THE WRONG THINGS

Some time ago I heard someone saying that the abbreviation of fear is, “false evidence appearing real”. Most times we are afraid of things we have no control of. Many books are written about fear, worry, things people are afraid of and people that suffer from the impact it has in their lives.

Has the information we have on our doorstep to overcome these things worked? Has it made any impact? Well the answers would vary for each person.  

I like the song, “I want to break free”. It talks of the echo in the hearts of men to break free from things that hold us back.  Many times we are afraid of what tomorrow holds. We do not possess the power that holds tomorrow. 

Let’s not fear our fears, but challenge that which we think we can’t do. Some of us are unable to swim, let’s get to a club, no matter our age. That should not be a deterring factor, but break through this barrier and learn with determination.

Whatever you are afraid of, make a list this year and let’s challenge each other to break down the walls that box us in of things we should not be afraid of.

Picture resource: teenagedream sandlov.com

HAVE YOU TAKEN A SHO’T LEFT!

Tourism isn’t only for international visitors, take a sho’t left and discover how much of jewels u have not yet discovered.  We live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world, proclaimed by many. The internet is full of articles that speak of the accolades that it has achieved.

 Recently I had the privilege to address a group of Capetonians at a tourism workshop.  My research on the day proved that many inhabitants of this city has not enjoyed what it has to offer.

Table Mountain recently became one of the Seven Wonders of the World. To behold and experience this great icon is so inexpensive. On your birthday you can take the cable car and do a return journey for free, just bring your identity document along. Or do a sunset special and pay half the price. There are certain months of the year where they offer groups a programme called, “Class in the clouds”. This is offered for less than R50 and includes a guided tour.

Did you know that Iziko Museums are free for children under 18 years of age? It is a place to explore art, nature, people and more. During the year they have many open days that are completely free to the public. Slave Lodge has stories to be told that will intrigue every visitor.

When last have you taken a picnic basket and relax in Kirstenbosch Botanical Gardens or just taken a walk in Newlands forest. Did you know that San Parks sells a special card only to South African at R80 that allows twelve visits to any of their sites? This means when you visit Cape Point, instead of paying R75 per person, they take visits off the card. What a huge saving this is to your pocket.

Before we venture elsewhere, let’s take a look at what our backyard has to offer. So come on take a Sho’t Left and discover.

Picture resource: City of Cape Town Marketing Department - World Cup 2010 

FISH FALLING FROM THE SKY

When there are unexplained phenomena that happen or occur, it reminds me of this topic, “Fish falling from the sky”. Certainly I have never seen fish falling from the sky, but have heard of things that can’t be explained.

In the bible there is a story in Exodus where God fed the Israelites manna and birds that fell from heaven. This was an unusual and certainly unexplainable event. The same thing occurs in the New Testament when Jesus feeds the multitude with two fish and five loads and at the end of the meal, could still collect twelve baskets full. How do you explain these things that happened?

I recently read about a young man that was doing a routine health check before he was about to set sail for America.  What seemed to have been just a check-up turned into an ordeal? The medical practitioner had detected that his heart was beating irregularly and that he needed an immediate x-ray. He explained that panic, fear and anxiety took hold of him and he felt completely paralyzed.

The x-ray confirmed the physician’s diagnosis, but worse was that he would need emergency surgery. He recalls that while laying on his bed waiting for the specialists to explain the procedure to him, he began to pray. He said that he felt that this was his only hope. 

The next morning as they were prepping him for the operation, another procedural scan had to be done. When this was completed, the team looked puzzled and this made him even more nervous. Without a word being spoken to him, another scan was done. Again the team consulted and found that nothing was wrong with his heart. It was just unexplainable.

Fish fell from the sky that day and he walked out of the hospital.  Now in America he is sharing his testimony that unexplainable things still do happen that in today’s technological world sill puzzles many.

Picture resource: Erin.blogspot.com - My little Miracles

EVERY JOURNEY HAS ITS OWN SPEEDBUMPS

I have never driven down a pathway; almost 80 meters long to get to the entrance of a house before and just thought “WOW”. As we approached the entrance I saw the house and was completely breathless. Maybe not completely, otherwise I would not be writing this. Three cars were parked in the driveway, each one in a class of its own. As I entered the dwelling I noticed the furniture, architecture and décor, it spoke volumes of “bling”. Clearly there could be no lack and surely they don’t show any signs that they ever lacked or struggled before.

This people have it easy I thought to myself, they have it all. As we sat down to eat our meal, a story started to unfold that made me feel so ashamed for the thoughts I was thinking. Our host had endured so much hardship and pain. He lost his parents at a young age to an accident and had to move in with an uncle, taking his younger brother along.

They were not treated well, his younger brother struggled at school and he had to assist where he could. They were treated as outsiders and felt alone. At age eighteen, he was granted the trust money his parents left him. He worked hard, endured more pain and just had to pick up his cross and remind himself of the goal that life was going to change for him.

Indeed things changed for him and this is the fruit of his labour he now enjoys and I admire. I learnt an important lesson here; we sometimes judge a book before reading the content. We have no idea of the details of others journeys. We should not compare our lives to others but with gratitude see ours unfold. There are others out there whose burdens we would never be able to carry.

Picture resource Laura Butters.com - Speedbumps

WHAT IS THE COLOUR OF THE WIND

The presence of and strength of wind can be noted in the causes. The most important effect of wind is not so easily observable. It is responsible for redistributing heat and water across the surface of the earth.  Wind cleanses the atmosphere and even scatters seeds for many plants. It treats each human being in a different manner and its effects are interpreted individually.

Music too is like a wind blowing across the earth touching each person in a manner that almost nothing else can. It crosses every boundary, country and race. It knows no colour.

 6^th April 2006 a gloomy day dawned on me when my mom, a pillar of strength, passed on. Many words of encouragement streamed in, but I was touched particularly, when my friend Cynthia called me to listen to a song, called “count on me through thick and thin” by Whitney Houston.  The emotions associated with this song brought so much comfort.  Whenever this song is played, it takes me right back to that time.

I have spoken to several people across the board that share the same sentiment that music is like the wind, it cleanses and takes on different affects, yet has no colour. Some said that they have songs that take them back to when they broke up with a partner or times when they had fun and enjoyed themselves.

What would our lives be without this wonderful gift called music? “If music be the spice of life, play on …”

 Picture resource :

Ruth Marie – Earth music