Communication between relationship partners should be
loving and respectful; verbal attacks by contrast are highly destructive. It is
often not so much what is said that causes the damage, but the tone of voice
and body language which accompanies it.
Arguments thrive on men failing to pay sufficient
attention to women’s feelings, and women being critically disapproving of men.
Either one may be the initial trigger, because a man’s inattentiveness can
cause a woman to get upset and express disapproval, and a woman’s disapproval
can cause a man to get defensive and stop listening to how she is feeling.
When men make mistakes they become frustrated and angry,
and are best left alone until they calm down. Men consider apologies to be
admissions of guilt; women view apologies as expressions of compassion. This
difference of perception is why men are generally much less willing to apologize
than women.
When engaged in an argument, men use strong and
aggressive words to ensure that they win the argument, and women are frequently
forced to back down in the face of a totally determined and implacable
opponent. Men then feel that they have won the argument, but it is a hollow
victory as their partners have not changed their views, but merely buried them
in order to avoid an ever-escalating conflict. Sometimes people prefer to evade
arguments instead of engaging in them. Men tend to do so by withdrawing inside
themselves and refusing to talk; women often just pretend that the disagreement
has been forgotten. The resultant peace is a cold one, because the issues
continue festering unresolved.
To stop communication degenerating into arguments, men
should strive to listen without getting defensive, and women should try to
express their feelings without criticizing their partners.
Picture resource: cutcaster.com
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